I've been mentoring, training, and consulting with successful people for thirty years. I've been supporting them to access Joy, Knowledge, Empowerment, Liberation, Love and Appreciation. All of these people have some things in common. They are bright, hardworking, caring, high EQ, honest, persistent, funny and aware. There are also some common things missing in their lives and careers; life wide authenticity, self esteem grounded in core values, confidence in dealing with people from all walks of life, true intimacy, real power, peace of mind, security and stability, play and recharge, reciprocal love, calm, healthy choices on a consistent basis, expecting excellence from themselves and others (vs. perfection).
Up until six months ago, most people were busy, busy and more busy. So stopping and getting support and guidance on the way to success was a challenge. But some people did come, with stories, reasons and histories of why they couldn't be happy with the success they had achieved so far in their lives. The recent reset has interrupted all that business, and has us reevaluating what life, career and success really is.
I watched my father be successful in corporate America for twenty five years. I saw him enjoy the success he achieved with himself, his family, his colleagues and his friends. He had a nice car, nice house, nice vacations and fun with friends. But I also got to see the toll it took along the way. He smoked two packs of cigarettes daily, he drank every single day, he gambled to excess, he cheated on wives and girlfriends, he had ulcers and smoked weed. He died at 50 when I was 25. Far too soon with so much living yet to do, but predictable based on his life habits and behaviors.
There is a much less dangerous path you can take to success.
As the years progress, I’ve noticed that most of the people I meet with pay a heavy price on their way to success. Is that just the way life is? Is there a way to interrupt the cycle? Can we be successful in a way that is safe, sane, healthy and fun?
Success feeds the ego and can inform our identity. We may have some awareness of the falsehoods of our success, but a part of us will not want to reveal that. A part of us will want to keep quiet and look successful, even if we are not truly satisfied and confident about our life. And we may find ourselves reacting to circumstances, people and things that are by default, not design. That feels frustrating.
The good news is you can do something about it today.
Here are some actions you can take to enjoy the process of becoming successful and then enjoying your success once you arrive.
Be grateful now. Practice enjoying what you have and this part of your journey. So many people who wait to enjoy themselves either become gluttonous, or they keep starving even though they have plenty. Be grateful now.
Define what success means to you. List the experience(s) you think you will have when you are successful. What will it be like internally for you? What will be happening externally? How will you feel? What will your thoughts be focused on? Be clear about the experience of success.
Get clear on the experience. Make a list of conditions of satisfaction for becoming successful, then check this list quarterly. What do you want the adventure to look like? What will it take to satisfy you? What do you want to manage or avoid? List what you need to be satisfied on your way to success.
Success takes work. You will have to meet and overcome challenges along the way. But there is a much less dangerous path you can take to success. Do the work to design your path and your experience as a map to success. Then have fun exploring and updating your map along the way. Good luck to us all!