Mentoring
Thoughts & Musings
My wife made an observation a couple years ago. I always seem to have a bully in my life. That was not my day-to-day experience, but sure enough, she was right. And it has been going on throughout my entire life. How could I miss it? And why did it keep happening? And how could I end it, once and for all?
I've been mentoring, training, and consulting with successful people for thirty years. I've been supporting them to access Joy, Knowledge, Empowerment, Liberation, Love and Appreciation. All of these people have some things in common. They are bright, hardworking, caring, high EQ, honest, persistent, funny and aware. There are also some common things missing in their lives and careers; life wide authenticity, self esteem grounded in core values, confidence in dealing with people from all walks of life, true intimacy, real power, peace of mind, security and stability, play and recharge, reciprocal love, calm, healthy choices on a consistent basis, expecting excellence from themselves and others(vs. perfection).
So you are thinking about hiring a mentor. Good for you! Successful people have mentors, trainers, and consultants. We can’t see our blind spots. We have difficulty measuring and critiquing our own performance in a straight and compassionate way. We are either too easy or too hard on ourselves, neither of which is helpful. So how do you select the right coach for you?
How long has the storm been brewing? Years? Or did it come out of nowhere? Either way, it's scary to find yourself at the effect of something so powerful. It runs your mind, your heart and your body. It makes you eat more or less. It has you upset or numb. It takes your breath away as you try to imagine a future without your significant other.
Sometimes, your brain is not your friend. Many times it has you vs you having it. It's in control in a way that does not serve you. It overthinks. It creates drama and chaos where none existed before. It worries. It gets jealous. It creates lust. It gets bored. It triggers reactive emotional states. The list goes on and on.
Where did you get your relationship to love? Was it watching healthy people love and care for each other? Was it being present when loving communication was practiced? Was it seeing two people be responsible for their experience of themselves and another person and relating from there? Was it listening to people being in a relationship from a place of honor and integrity and modeling that for you? Was it observing a relationship in breakdown and reaction and then feeling what it is like to come back to being in a full, whole, safe and sane relationship?
Ever seen a successful zombie? A person with a lot of money, fame and power, but very little vitality, energy or expression? They have killed most or all of their emotions on the path to their success. Does that look like a bargain you would make? Wouldn't you want to be able to experience the passion, joy, love, enthusiasm, appreciation and all the other emotions that go with natural success? I would!
I was 8 years old and I LOVED sugar. My step mother must have gotten tired of me asking for treats all the time. "Tell you what. You can have the whole grasshopper pie," she said one morning. What the what? She set the pie in front of me and gave me a fork. I kept waiting for her to take it away from me as I ate it. I almost ate the whole thing. I got up from the table with a big smile on my face. Soon after I got a bad feeling. Grasshopper pie is made of cream, jello and oreo cookie crust. Lots of sugar. Too much sugar for an 8 year old. The next 12 hours were quite uncomfortable.
Should you work with a specific group of people? Or leave it open to all people? If you ask me who I work with, I would say three types of people. I work with executives, entrepreneurs after their first round of funding(so they can afford the coaching), and people who are in transition from corporate to entrepreneurship, vice versa or into retirement and a focus on community service.
I have known I was smart for most of my life. I was bored in school because of how smart I was. I was seldom challenged by the material that was presented. I cheated on tests because I couldn't be bothered to 'win' the way the game was set up… Deserving it never entered my mind. If you were too stupid to stop me from getting what I wanted, well that was on you.
Desiree knocked at the cottage door. Odd, because usually she left me to do my calls undisturbed until I came in at evening. "Come in," I said, wondering if there was something wrong. "I just wanted to let you know I want you to have breakfast each morning with me and Morgan, OK?" What? I had been an entrepreneur for fifteen years. I worked my own hours, took vacations every three months and made money for us. Wasn't that enough? My calls with my clients back East and in Europe had me on the phone at 5AM. Breakfast? That was just going to interrupt my flow!
Whatever you are up to in life, support can make the difference between success and just being average. But support is often looked at as a sign of weakness. Based on our society, you should be able to do it yourself! Though this is not true, it's one of many challenges on the way to success.
Let's look at the costs and payoffs of these two mentoring modalities…
Send Hans an email to set up a complimentary consultation at your convenience.
You can also call 831-239-9904.
