Victim/At Effect
People who operate from a context of being victimized feel powerless and helpless in the face of some act, circumstance, condition and/or person. They are ‘done to’ and have to react and defend their life against others.
Caring mostly about safety and feeling good, the victim explains, figures things out, and tries to fix what is wrong with themselves, other people and life. The victim spends much of their life telling stories about how things got to be this way, and what they are doing to try to change things.
The victim is not interested in breakthroughs, rather that things get incrementally better. They are quick with reasons and excuses. The world and others are the source of all of the victim’s problems. If only they could be left alone, the victim could make their life work. If they could only meet the right person or be in the right situation, things would get better.
The victim deals in force, control, waiting and running. The victim gets agreement from those around them about how bad things are, and about how the victim is really doing the best that they can.
The victim seeks advice. The victim looks for rescue. The victim comes from interpretation disguised as facts. The victim cannot be who they really are, because of all the circumstances in their life. They are extremely busy or overwhelmed. Life and relationships are hard. There is pressure.
Victims do not have breakdowns they work through. Victims have problems and lose their power. Life is dramatic and predictable. Spinning their wheels, victims move through life only inches at a time. There is no joy, satisfaction or power. There are only moments of feeling good, which are temporary and externally acquired.
Victims take fewer and fewer risks, content to just try to get through another day without being a bigger victim. What runs the victim’s life is their negative and fear-based conversations. Victims have few choices in life. They are reactors, rather then actors. Life becomes about avoidance and freedom. The victim is injured, suffering, destroyed or harmed.
The victim is not the source of their life. Being the victim is not satisfying, but it is comfortable and familiar. You can’t make a victim do much. The victim is in control.